physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
