i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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