Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
