i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
