i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
