your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
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i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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