Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
