i can't believe i had my finger in that
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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