I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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