The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
