You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
