Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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