she smelled like a LAN party
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
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I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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