so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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