This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
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I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
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This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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