So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
