Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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