never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We need to get me chipped asap
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
