who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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