He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i think i scared a bird with my dick
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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