I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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