of course. lets lasso hookers.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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