He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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