I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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