i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
