Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just found puke in my bra..
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
