Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
