Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
