She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
