God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
