I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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