i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
