my vag is so smooth its legendary
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
