the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
