why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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