question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
