I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
