You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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