Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
