Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
