i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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