Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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