I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Let's get the cat blown out
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If its not for food we ain't going out.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
