did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
