I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
