btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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