I wanna passion pit in your ass
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
