my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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