I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
