Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
