maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
