We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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