you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
