We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
