I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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