i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
