I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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