so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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