How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
