is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
