a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
