I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
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I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
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At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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