went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
