Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
