how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
