I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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