She is in my trunk
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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