You can't motorboat a personality
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
