dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
