You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
