so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize