I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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