Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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