I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
