Umm I'm too high to move.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
