New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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