i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
