Pappa wants mamma naked
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
