I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
