Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
