No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I wish i was in the wii world.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
