He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Randomize
