Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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