Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
