i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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