It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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