In the future we'll all be gay
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We had to coat check the pizza.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
