Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
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She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
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mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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