This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
